This week we were instructed to look at Tobias Wolff’s “bullet in the brain” and come up with another outcome or detail that could have changes the writing as a whole. I will also compose an action into a scene of a recent event. The event I will be writing about is my adventure to long wood gardens with my girlfriend.
“Two men wearing black ski masks and blue business suits were standing to the side of the door. One of them had a pistol pressed against the guard's neck. The guard's eyes were closed, and his lips were moving. The other man had a sawed-off shotgun. "Keep your big mouth shut!" the man with the pistol said, though no one had spoken a word. "One of you tellers hits the alarm, you're all dead meat. Got it?" The tellers nodded.” Everyone was frozen until the leader of the robbers gave them all directions to “Shut up and sit down”. At this point everyone was so shocked none of the citizens in the bank moved. So the leader yells again. “Everyone sit the hell down”! Quickly this time everyone reacted and dropped. Anders went from out spoken to as quiet as a mouse as soon as the leader opened his mouth. Slowly Anders eyes started to water. He thought to himself “what’s going on”? “Why am I crying”? “Is it because I am scared, Is it because I am afraid to die”? Anders sat the almost like he was dead, trying to think to himself what was wrong. “I don’t feel afraid. I don’t fear the death of me. I must be crying for another reason.” Anders silently looks up and complies with the criminals. The robbery passes and miraculously nobody is hurt and the robbers storm out of the bank. As Anders stands up he looks around at all of the other people crying and still sitting on the ground. He realizes they are cringing for another reason though. Anders starts to walk away and says to himself “thank god, finally some fun’. Bullet in the Brain (Tobias Wolff) I come to my senses slowly as I comprehend my girlfriend telling me to wake up as she shakes my shoulder. “I’m still tired, let me sleep.” I tell her as I am dazed. “No Ryan get up we have stuff to do today.” She says then continuing to shake me. “Ok I’m getting up, I’m getting up.” She quickly runs out of the room and tells me “I’m making me something to eat.” I sit up and get dressed to go out to Long Wood Gardens. I put on a soft blue shirt and some cargo shorts and walk down stairs. When I walk through the living room I say “hi” to my mom and dad then they great me back. I walk to the kitchen and see my girlfriend standing there holding a plate with food on it. She says exactly “I made this for you.” I say “thank you” and ask her “are you going to eat with me.” She replies “yes” and we sit down to eat. She tells me to “eat quickly so we could spend the day out at the garden.” So I hurry up and eat then I get in the car with her and drive to Long Wood. We walk to the gate and walk into the park. Everywhere we look we see bright flowers and different exhibits waiting to be seen. We slow walk alongside the lakes full of fish and turtles. We walk past treehouses and fountains. I tell my girlfriends how beautiful everything is and we stand there taking in the view of all of the sights. We continue to walk and we enter the garden. We sit down and enjoy the flowers. We sit there and just look. After about twenty minutes we get up and start to walk to another exhibit. We get to the entrance of the conservation and enter the building. As soon as I walk in I see nothing but flowers at every angle. Bright flowers, dark flowers, trees and every plant that I could think of. We come to one room and it is unique. It had small bonsai trees. Simple but beautiful. It had small pink flowers and tiny branches. I imagine the small tree in real size. The flowers were small but they had everything in common with every flower I saw throughout the day.
1 Comment
Erin Lynch
10/1/2018 11:15:42 am
I liked your rewrite and found it cool how you changed the story to Anders living. Also enjoyed reading your person scene, it has so much detail. good work!
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Ryan
I will use this blog to communicate with my classmates and give my perspective about different topics. Archives
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