In week nine I was instructed to respond to questions in a vlog format about my second draft for my narrative project. I the second draft we I had to take my original story and write about an alternative outcome. This style was similar to a style called fanfiction. More information about fanfiction can be found here What is Fan Fiction -- and why is it making people nervous? (Stephen Downes). The rewriting process was a little more difficult because the first draft was in first person point of view. After listening to Rewinding and Rewriting: The Alternate Universes in Our Head (Hidden Brain Podcast) this helped me write my third person point of view second draft. This vlog is my second ever vlog but I believe it was better than my first. Thank you for any comments that you leave. Every comment helps. The vlog will be down below.
1 Comment
In week six this blog is constructed to make edits to my first past scene blog. I have edited the detail I have put into the scene and have added some background info. I have also added a "telling section" after my blog for further background information regarding people in the scene.
I look at the clock reading 2:25. Only 15 more minutes until we get out of school, I thought in my head. The time keeps ticking and as every second goes by I getting more and more happy. Only one minute to go now and everyone starts putting their books away. The bell rings so all of my classmates and I race to the door to go outside into the cold crisp snow. I run down the middle school stairs and take position next to my friends. We squat down and wait for the perfect time. Then all of a sudden I throw a snowball and everyone joins. We start a massive snowball fight right in front of the school. Snow is going everywhere and everyone is getting hit. We throw snowball after snowball and the chaos went on for five minutes. The administration quickly rush out of the school and down the slippery stairs to stop the fight and I grab a hand full of snow and throw it right at the principal. “Splash” The snowball nails him right in the chest. I start to run for my life as fast as I could run. I look behind me and the principal is right on my heels. Then I feel a tug on my jacket and a security guard grabbed me and gave me to the principal. At this moment I knew I was in trouble. The principle brought me back into the school and a feeling of anger was going through my head as I hear the sound of my wet shoes slapping against the tile floor. The principal then pushed me into his office and sat me down where my friend Jordan was already sitting. The principal then sat down at his desk and went to his computer. “Yo what’s up Jordan” I said puzzled on why he was in the office too. “What’s up man he responded” looking back at me with a frightened look on his face. “Why are you here?” I said to him as we sat there in front of the principal “I got caught throwing a snowball, how about you?” he said “ Me too” I responded now feeling a little better about myself knowing I was not the only one who was caught. As we sit there waiting for instructions a teacher of mine then walked in to talk to the principle and said to me “Your mom is not going to like this Ryan” I looked at him and said back “Why don’t you mind your own damn business”. The principle then told him to leave the office. As I sit here I feel a nervous feeling and do not know what is going to happen next. The principle then tells us “you both are giving a one day suspension for the fight you have started”. The feeling instantly increased because I knew my parents would be mad at me for getting suspended. As I walk home in the slushy ice I finally reach my house. I say to my mom “hey I got suspended on school today.” Then she replies “for what?” in a playful manner because I have never been suspended before and she did not believe me. “For throwing a snowball at the principal” I replied without even having to think about what to say. She looks at me and says “are you serious?” as she begins to believe what I’m saying. In this scene I am in middle school and I had the great idea that my friends and I should have a snowball fight after school even though we knew it was against school policy. I end up throwing a snowball at the principal because I thought it would be funny (and it was) then I ended up getting caught by a security guard and was basically pulled to the principal’s office. Later in the story a teacher of mine that I didn’t really have any problems with came into the office and said something to me. I don’t know if he was trying to be funny or something but I didn’t like what he said so I told him to mind his own damn business. I went home later and told my mom. In blog 5 I will be composing an alternate screen that was not actually in Charlotte Perkins Stetson’s The Yellow Wall-Paper. I will also be creating a creative nonfiction scene about a time when I chose a decision to create a negative outcome in my life. Although my negative outcome is not too serious it is a funny choice I made that had consequences.
“At first he meant to repaper the room, but afterwards he said that I was letting it get the better of me, and that nothing was worse for a nervous patient than to give way to such fancies. He said that after the wall-paper was changed it would be the heavy bedstead, and then the barred windows, and then that gate at the head of the stairs, and so on. "You know the place is doing you good," he said, "and really, dear, I don't care to renovate the house just for a three months' rental." "Then do let us go downstairs," I said, "there are such pretty rooms there." Then he took me in his arms and called me a blessed little goose, and said he would go down cellar, if I wished, and have it whitewashed into the bargain.” He then leaves the room shutting the door behind himself. Without letting him realize I placed a folded piece of my writing in the lock of the door just as he closes it leaving the door unlocked. I take a big breath hoping he does not turn around and exhale as I hear him walking down the hallway. Now that he is gone I can get myself together. I think in my head again and again is the escape even worth it or should I stay with the man I believe loves me. I come to my senescence and begin to walk to the door. I try to not make a sound as the creaky door inches open and I begin to see the white hallway walls. I creep my head out and look to the left, then to the right. I see nobody. I step out into the hallway and begin to walk down. The hallway is lined with doors and room numbers. As I walk the room numbers begin to count down, 110, 108, 106, 104. I’m getting closer to the last room. I continue to walk and I see a double door with a big red exit sign on top of it. I see nobody at the desk so I run for the door and push them open. When I get outside I feel the cold wet rain on my head since I have come here. Then I think to myself about the sunny beautiful environment outside of my window. I stand in the wet rain and think to myself “Was the beautiful garden actually there or was it just another piece of wall paper?” The Yellow Wall-Paper I look at the clock reading 2:25. Only 15 more minutes until we get out of school, I thought in my head. The time keeps ticking and as every second goes by I getting more and more happy. Only one minute to go now and everyone starts putting their books away. The bell rings so me and all of my class mates race to the door to go outside into the cold snow. I run down the middle school stairs and take position next to my friends. We squat down and wait for the perfect time. Then all of a sudden I throw a snowball and everyone joins. We start a massive snowball fight right in front of the school. Snow is going everywhere and everyone is getting hit. The administration rush out of the school to stop the fight and I grab a hand full of snow and throw it right at the principal. The snow ball nails him right in the chest. I start to run for my life as fast as I could run. I look behind me and the principal is right on my heels. Then I feel a tug on my jacket and a security guard grabbed me and gave me to the principal. At this moment I knew I was in trouble. The principle brought me back in to the school and sat me down in his office where my friend Jordan was already sitting. A teacher of mine then walked in to talk to the principle and said to me “Your mom is not going to like this Ryan” I looked at him and said back “Why don’t you mind your own damn business”. The principle then told him to leave the office. As I sit here I feel a nerves feeling and do not know what is going to happen next. The principle then tells us “you both are giving a one day suspension for the fight you have started”. The feeling instantly increased because I knew my parents would be mad at me for getting suspended. As I walk home in the slushy ice I finally reach my house. I say to my mom “hi I got suspended at school today” then she replies “for what”. I then tell her the story. This week we were instructed to look at Tobias Wolff’s “bullet in the brain” and come up with another outcome or detail that could have changes the writing as a whole. I will also compose an action into a scene of a recent event. The event I will be writing about is my adventure to long wood gardens with my girlfriend.
“Two men wearing black ski masks and blue business suits were standing to the side of the door. One of them had a pistol pressed against the guard's neck. The guard's eyes were closed, and his lips were moving. The other man had a sawed-off shotgun. "Keep your big mouth shut!" the man with the pistol said, though no one had spoken a word. "One of you tellers hits the alarm, you're all dead meat. Got it?" The tellers nodded.” Everyone was frozen until the leader of the robbers gave them all directions to “Shut up and sit down”. At this point everyone was so shocked none of the citizens in the bank moved. So the leader yells again. “Everyone sit the hell down”! Quickly this time everyone reacted and dropped. Anders went from out spoken to as quiet as a mouse as soon as the leader opened his mouth. Slowly Anders eyes started to water. He thought to himself “what’s going on”? “Why am I crying”? “Is it because I am scared, Is it because I am afraid to die”? Anders sat the almost like he was dead, trying to think to himself what was wrong. “I don’t feel afraid. I don’t fear the death of me. I must be crying for another reason.” Anders silently looks up and complies with the criminals. The robbery passes and miraculously nobody is hurt and the robbers storm out of the bank. As Anders stands up he looks around at all of the other people crying and still sitting on the ground. He realizes they are cringing for another reason though. Anders starts to walk away and says to himself “thank god, finally some fun’. Bullet in the Brain (Tobias Wolff) I come to my senses slowly as I comprehend my girlfriend telling me to wake up as she shakes my shoulder. “I’m still tired, let me sleep.” I tell her as I am dazed. “No Ryan get up we have stuff to do today.” She says then continuing to shake me. “Ok I’m getting up, I’m getting up.” She quickly runs out of the room and tells me “I’m making me something to eat.” I sit up and get dressed to go out to Long Wood Gardens. I put on a soft blue shirt and some cargo shorts and walk down stairs. When I walk through the living room I say “hi” to my mom and dad then they great me back. I walk to the kitchen and see my girlfriend standing there holding a plate with food on it. She says exactly “I made this for you.” I say “thank you” and ask her “are you going to eat with me.” She replies “yes” and we sit down to eat. She tells me to “eat quickly so we could spend the day out at the garden.” So I hurry up and eat then I get in the car with her and drive to Long Wood. We walk to the gate and walk into the park. Everywhere we look we see bright flowers and different exhibits waiting to be seen. We slow walk alongside the lakes full of fish and turtles. We walk past treehouses and fountains. I tell my girlfriends how beautiful everything is and we stand there taking in the view of all of the sights. We continue to walk and we enter the garden. We sit down and enjoy the flowers. We sit there and just look. After about twenty minutes we get up and start to walk to another exhibit. We get to the entrance of the conservation and enter the building. As soon as I walk in I see nothing but flowers at every angle. Bright flowers, dark flowers, trees and every plant that I could think of. We come to one room and it is unique. It had small bonsai trees. Simple but beautiful. It had small pink flowers and tiny branches. I imagine the small tree in real size. The flowers were small but they had everything in common with every flower I saw throughout the day. In this blog I am writing my own creative nonfiction of when I want to a Phillies game and the first game that my girlfriend went to any major league baseball game. I attempted to use creative detailed word choice and to try to put the reader in my shoes on this day. Please leave any comments. As I open my blurry eyes and I realize how cold my room actually is as the air conditioner is on full blast. I make the choice to get out of bed as my warm skin hits the cold air. I quickly run out of the room trying to escape the ice box. After I stand in the hallway only wearing my underwear I debate with myself if I should reach in my room to grab some clothes now or if I should just take a hot shower. My decision was quick but I had to get it over with. As I run in my room to turn my air conditioner off and quickly grab my clothes then leave again. The hard part is over. I grab a towel and walk into the bathroom as my body already begins to defrost from the heat from the warm hallway. When I get into the bathroom I quickly hop into the shower and turn the tempter up all the way and take my shower. Shortly after fifteen minutes I finish in the shower and dry off from my once neatly folded towel. I then put on dry shorts and my eagles shirt because I do not own a Phillies one. I quickly brush my teeth and run down the stairs because I realize my girlfriend told me that she would be at my house early. As I look at my phone I see that she has not left her house yet and that I finally got up before she arrived to my house. I sit patiently on my leather sofa playing with my phone in anticipation for the text saying that she was getting the uber to my house. Once I’ve waited for five minutes I decided to make some food while I wait. I’m half way done my bagel when I see my phone shake and a message come through saying I’m on my way. I sit and wait another ten minutes checking the front door every two minutes to see if I can see her. Finally she appears and as the uber drops her off out front. I quickly open the door and a wave of heat instantly hits my face. I squint at the sunny sky and tell her to quickly come inside so I can close the door. After she comes inside I give her a big hug and tell her about how happy I am to see her. I ask her if she wants any food but she kindly refuses. She looked very colorful in her bright red Phillies shirt and her dark blue jean shorts. We sit patently waiting for the time to leave and go out to 69th street terminal to take the trolley to the game. Once it’s time to go my dad starts the car and we run to it hoping it was not as hot inside as it was outside. To our demise it was even hotter. My dad quickly turns on the AC and cranks it up all of the way. He then starts the three minute ride to 69th street and stops to let us get out once we get there. We then pay and hop on the L to go to the game. On the L we see everyone dressed in Phillies gear and excited for the game. Once we made it to our stop we go off the L a d left the station. We walked down the street until me made it to the stadium and we waited in the express line to enter. After the line moved quickly we went to our seats and enjoyed a good game of baseball. What is Creative Nonfiction? (Lee Gutkind) Making Scenes in Memoir (Lee Martin) |
Ryan
I will use this blog to communicate with my classmates and give my perspective about different topics. Archives
December 2018
Categories
All
|